Won't Back Down Review

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

 

 

 

One of the characters in Won't Back Down says something close to this, and it reminded me of the quote by poet Mary Oliver, one of my favorite quotes. So it stands to reason if this is one of my favorite quotes and is an integral theme of the movie, then I was bound to like this movie. And I did.

 

I'll admit when I first saw the trailer I thought, "Why wasn't this just a Lifetime movie?" It didn't sound like it was worthy of the big screen. But the casting intrigued me (I'll see anything with Viola Davis after The Help) so I decided to give it a try. I'm so glad I did.

 

The best comparison I can make is that it's Rocky in a school setting. A classic underdog movie that will have you cheering for the two women who take on the bureaucracy of the public school system and the teacher's union in order to provide their kids with a better place to learn.

 

But it's about more than that. It's about something that is, I think, within all of us: that desire to know that we didn't slip into this life, exist for an amount of time, then disappear without ever having made a mark. In the world's eyes these women were unlikely heroes and yet, to the students of this school, they became the catalysts that changed everything just because they stood up and said "Why not try?"

 

I was inspired by this movie and will be thinking about it for awhile. I'd recommend for you to see it with a friend or, if your kids are 12 or older, with them. (There's no sex or violence and I only counted two cusswords so I call that a safe movie. The only reason I say 12 or older is younger ones might get bored.) I took my 16yo son and he enjoyed it. He did think it was a bit slow at times and I would have to agree-- but not enough to turn me off to the movie.

 

When I was growing up my mom had a plaque in our house that said, "Live so that when you are gone it will have mattered." (Betty Feezor) That's certainly true of these two women. I'd say that we want that to be true for all of us. If you'd like to be inspired to find your passion and live it, then go see this movie. It's worth the watch.
 

 

 

 

WON’T BACK DOWN

Drama

Release: September 28, 2012

Director: Daniel Barnz

Written by: Brin Hill and Daniel Barnz

Producer: Mark Johnson

Cast: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Viola Davis, Holly Hunter, Oscar Isaac, Rosie Perez, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Lance Reddick, Ving Rhames

In this powerful story – inspired by true events – of parenthood, friendship, hope and courage, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis portray determined mothers­ who will stop at nothing to transform their children’s failing inner city school. Facing a powerful and entrenched bureaucracy and a system mired in traditional thinking, they risk everything to make a difference in the education and future of their children.

Moms Who Want To Be Their Child's Friend: A Quote

"I think there is a tendency today for parents to want to be their kid’s friend. I have friends who think that treating their children like their peer is empowering them – I disagree. I think you empower a child by teaching them how to think for themselves, giving them a moral compass and telling them you’re always there like the North Star. I tell my kids I don’t want to be your friend. You will have lots of friends in your life, and they will come and go. I am your mother. I’m not going anywhere."

Had to share this quote from Elissa Schappell, who is speaking at the Moms @ Work breakfast in Charlotte NC this Friday the 28th. I'm unable to go, but maybe someone reading this would like to.

A reminder that I post at Southern Belle View on Wednesdays.

And there is always something going on at She Reads. We try to introduce you to the best writers and books in women's fiction every week, so don't miss a post!

And happy birthday to my second child, who is (unbelievably) turning 18 today!

Weekend Recap

Here's how I spent my weekend:

Friday afternoon Curt and I got everything (and everyone) squared away on the homefront, jumped in the car and headed to Asheville, NC to see David Gray, who if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've probably heard me talk about. If he shows up anywhere within driving distance, we go if it's at all possible. I was SO glad when he announced a southern leg to this latest tour and was online at the exact moment the tickets went on sale. We snagged great seats and soaked in the music on Friday evening. I love going to a David Gray concert because I find other crazies like me who know all the words to all the songs and drive distances to see him live. The couples on either side of us had driven from SC and Raleigh NC to see him.

Saturday morning it was time to leave the gorgeous hotel we stayed in (pictured above, and lest you be impressed, know we stayed free thanks to my husband's points he'd stored up-- one of the only perks of having a husband who travels) and head home to reality. We stopped in a little town in Morganton NC for lunch at a wonderful off-the-beaten path cafe called Murray's for lunch and had a delicious salad (me) and sandwich (him) for lunch. Fortified, we drove the rest of the way home, stepped out of the car and into busyness as, crazy fool that I am, we had invited friends over for dinner that night. Thank goodness I didn't overestimate my own abilities and had only committed to spaghetti for dinner. I made the sauce and let it simmer all day so that all I had to do to eat was cook the pasta and make the (frozen) rolls when it was time to eat. My friend brought the salad and some marinated chicken for her and me since we're both trying not to do carbs. Dessert was Breyer's straight from the carton for the men and kids. Gourmet it was not but we were together, the kids had a fire to throw sticks in outside, and good conversation around the table went on for hours. Perhaps I wasn't such a fool after all.

Sunday we went to church, went to lunch, saw our kids' school principal at lunch and bought her whole table cookies, which embarrassed my kids to no end. But I think it's nice to bless people who work hard for us. At least, I hope it blessed her and her family. After lunch I took my 12yo daughter for some one-on-one time and we went to a friend's Thirty One party, where I bought her a case for her Kindle Fire. Then we went looking for some fall/winter dress shoes for her. We didn't find any shoes but did find her a jean jacket and me some gray boots, which I had on my "keep my eye out for" list. (The one pictured is not the actual boot but close enough.) After a stop at the grocery store to stock up for the week, we came home and I collapsed on the couch and queued up the latest Pioneer Woman show to watch with the kids, something that's becoming a tradition for us on Sunday evenings. After that I crawled into bed and read until my eyes closed, which wasn't long.

Most of our weekends aren't that busy, nor would I want them to be. But this one was fun and full. Next weekend I have a totally different weekend planned-- a beach writing retreat with a friend. I think I'll use it to recuperate!

A Pre-Weekend Laugh

In case you missed it over at Southern Belle View, I had to share this funny cartoon that my friend Beth Webb Hart shared.

I'm totally in!

PS. I'm sure Beth Webb wouldn't mind me telling you to put her new book, Moon Over Edisto, on your radar. I am super excited about this book, which features equal parts wonderful premise and setting.

Every Single Time

I run I think of this picture:

 

 

Don't forget to check out Southern Belle View today, where I've posted on a time in my life that nearly drove me crazy.

I Am...

Delighted with this quote from author Katherine Towler:

"From an early age, I was a passionate and constant reader, far more interested in curling up on the couch with a good book than in going outside to play. I adored words and what words arranged on a page could accomplish in the mind of a reader, painting vivid pictures, conjuring up exotic places, and making imagined people come to life with a force that real, live people often seemed to lack."

The Real Parts Of Fiction

I get the question a lot from folks wanting to know if what I write is "true." Well that question can be taken a lot of ways. Are the characters real people? Did the events really happen? And the answer is, some of it is real and some of it is made up and I just put it all in the pot, give it a big stir and see what it all becomes. No one is more surprised than me with the outcome.

I loved this quote when I read it in a blog post because it best captured what IS real in my fiction:

"I have a book coming out this Spring - and although it's fiction - the seedling of the story was born in truth. I am not my main character nor do I have her problems - but it's still honest in the sense that emotional truths come through in a happy scene or sad scene because an author can remember feeling or seeing something happy or sad. Or something sickening or startling or funny or poignant." Amy Sue Nathan, author of the forthcoming novel, The Glass Wives and blogger at Women's Fiction Writers

What is real? Always the emotions. A novelist has to capture real feelings on a page or you will put the book down and walk away. So while I may not have gone through the exact things my characters go through, I have always gone through the feelings they're having. It's my job to feel, and feel deeply, and remember what it feels like to feel so that I can help the reader remember too.

Review: The Words

I have to say that if you are a writer (or even an avid reader) go see The Words. I felt like the movie was a tribute to writers and the power of story. I loved it immensely and was sad that "they" don't make movies like this more often. I am tired of crude humor, silly plotlines, and space ships. I want poignant stories. I want to be moved. And I was by this movie.

The only negative I will express is the Dennis Quaid storyline. I am not sure that it added to the movie, even if it did add a layer of mystery to what exactly was going on and how the three plotlines would (you assumed) unite in the end. But instead of that plotline adding, it seemed to detract. And also I didn't like the ending. That's been a theme for me of late-- several books and movies I've seen lately have been great all the way through but disappointed me in the end. Maybe I'm too picky but it seems to me that lately things just stop-- they don't come to a fitting end. I would say that of this movie. I wanted a bit more wrap-up, a true conclusion. And based on the reactions of those sitting around me when the screen went to credits, I was not alone.

But even with all of that, I loved the movie and will continue to recommend it to my story-loving friends. If that's you, arrange a girls' night out or date night soon and go enjoy being pulled into a great story.

Here's the trailer:

I Am...

...Packing a lot into this short week. Edits for the book that comes out next summer are due Friday and I leave Friday for the Southern Independent Booksellers Association trade show in Naples, FL.

... Looking forward to SIBA. A confirmed book nerd, it is one of the highlights of my year. It gives me time with other writers and time to interact with booksellers, not to mention good planning time with the other "Belles" from Southern Belle View. I'll try to post pics next week once I get my feet back under me.

... Starting a Bible study this week. I've been out of CBS for a few years but made the much-debated decision to recommit. After doing some informal studies in small groups and doing my own thing at home, I feel the need to get back into a community. What better than Community Bible Study? We'll be studying Ephesians and Hebrews this year-- two books I've never studied and am excited about digging into.

... Still thinking about a movie we watched this weekend: "We Need To Talk About Kevin." It was dark and disturbing and definitely not light and heartwarming... and even a bit slow as some indie movies can be. But I'm still mulling over the questions the movie raised and thinking about the characters as if they were real-- a sign of a good story. I may not have enjoyed the movie, per se, but I was definitely challenged by it.

...Trying to make a meal plan for this week after I cook the last meal left in the house tonight. Last time I scheduled two weeks' worth of meals and bought all the food at once and it was nice to not think about it again. Now I'm out of inspiration so I'm getting on Pinterest and combing through my collection of clipped recipes to discover some good stuff to eat!

... Looking forward to seeing The Words tonight at a sneak preview with my husband. I've not looked forward to many movies this year, but this one seems right up my alley. A writer as the main character AND a love story?? Yes, please! I'll review it here on Thursday and let you know if it's worth seeing.

Summer In Retrospect

As sad as it is for me to write this, this weekend marks the end of summer. Which means it's time to reflect on the Summer of 12, taking comfort in the fact that another summer awaits us, Lord willing. So here is a pictorial reflection on our summer, with commentary.

Summer 2012 was a time for...

Hanging out as a family. My oldest daughter graduated from high school in June and the only thing that kept me from falling apart over the summer was the fact that she decided to stay home this year and not go away to school just yet. She's taking classes at our local community college and deciding what to do with her life. I think she made a wise decision. She's got the rest of her life to be "out there" in the wide wide world. I'm so glad to have more time with her.
Fourth of July. We spent the Fourth of July at our neighborhood pool then came home and had an All American dinner, did sparklers in the driveway and went back up to the pool at dark to watch the men of the neighborhood put on a very impressive fireworks display over our lake. It was truly one of the most perfect Fourths our family has ever had.

Winning. Here are my four champion swimmers from our swim team proudly displaying their trophy after the team banquet. I was able to capture the moment when the team found out they won the league trophy on video. I will admit to watching it more than once. It was such a fun, happy moment. They were undefeated this year in regular season. I will add that they also went on to win the All Star meet. Just sayin.

Swimming. You might get the feeling from this post that we spend a lot of time at our neighborhood pool. You would be right. This picture was snapped of all my men at the Fourth of July party.

Being silly. When you're really bored, it's fun to dress up the dog. The dog, thankfully, is a good sport about wearing tutus. If you can't see, he has a scarf around his neck, a tank top and a tutu. Poor thing.

More being silly. A napkin at a restaurant becomes a beard...

Or a mustache.

Signing books. I had more than a few book signings this summer, promoting my new novel, The Guest Book. If you haven't read it yet, it's good to read even when it's not summer. I was extremely grateful to all the people who bought a book, came to my signings, or even just acted interested in what I was doing. I am so blessed that I can do something like this and call it "work."

And now we move onto fall. I'm consoling myself that summer is over by pinning lots of great decorating, food and craft ideas onto my "Fall" Pinterest board. I linked it if you want to stop by and take a look.

What will you miss about summer? What are you looking forward to about fall?

Creativity For Kids Party: Birthday Edition

I got the opportunity to review Creativity For Kids products via a "party in a box" kit the company sent me. In the box were several different kits to use with multiple girls. I already knew what I was going to use the kits for-- my youngest's seventh birthday party! This child won the art award at her school last year so anything creative and crafty was sure to win her heart. And it did!

The girls opened presents, had cupcakes and ice cream and all the other birthday type stuff you'd expect.

But they also got plenty of opportunities to make crafts they could take home with them afterwards. In the photo above you will see the adorable totes they decorated that held all their finished craft items. The moms simply could not believe all that they made and were able to take home and enjoy. Creativity For Kids even threw in a little ring making kit for them to use later.

One thing I will have to say about the party that definitely made all the difference were my three helpers: my 12 yo daughter and two of her friends. These girls came over an hour before the party, organized the kits, read the instructions and mapped out a plan of action as to how they were going to instruct and help the girls. I hate to think of what I would have done without them. Thanks girls!

If you're looking for a great way to throw a birthday party that doesn't 1) cost a ton or 2) require a lot of prep work, I would recommend checking out the products that Creativity For Kids offers. Their kits come ready to use with enough for at least 10 children. And everything you will need is right in the box! (I loved that aspect of it.) The girls made headbands, bracelets and necklaces, plus decorated their tote bags. It kept them plenty busy with just enough time to eat and unwrap gifts at the end. Plus they were all proud of their creations and anxious to show their moms. These girls were 6 and 7 years old. I think maybe the 8-10 age range would've been a bit easier. They did need quite a bit of help. (Hence my mention of having the helpers there.)

All in all, it was a memorable birthday and a great way to celebrate that I'm sure my birthday girl will always remember. Thanks Creativity For Kids!

(If you'd like to read some other reviews of Creativity For Kids parties with much better pictures of the products, click on the links below. I was so consumed by managing the chaos that I didn't do the best job with taking pictures!

http://www.faithfamilyfibro.com/2012/08/creativity-for-kids-party-review-and-giveaway-back-to-school-giveaway.html

http://mamato3blessings.blogspot.com/2012/08/crafting-with-creativity-for-kids-in.html

http://www.underthegoldenappletree.com/2012/08/creativity-for-kids-party-time.html

Completing The Sentence

I am...

able to watch Field of Dreams over and over.

learning to read ebooks, but still prefer print ones.

a huge fan of David Gray. Just yesterday I heard him doing a cover of this Bruce Springsteen song-- DG and the Boss, united in song. Swoon. Curt and I get to see him in concert in September. Double swoon!



completely crazy about my family. My kids overwhelm me with the scope of who they are; my husband astonishes me with the depth of his character and wisdom.

still glad every day that I have Sirius radio in my car. It's a veritable dance party every time I drive. If you must spend time in the car then it should be as fun as possible.

trying to do a better job with blogging. I'm not really back in the swing of things yet, I will confess. A bit of summer lingers in my rebellious blood.

enjoying the book Story by Steven James. Get this book. Read a chapter a day. It'll inspire you and make you think about God's story and your own story and how the two are woven together. As a storyteller, this book has been good for me. I have a hunch it'll be good for you, too.

trying to work up to running a 10K. I can't believe I just said that publicly. I might not ever do it in a formal race; I just want to know I can.

both dreading and looking forward to September and October. Both are shaping up to be busy months with a good many writing and book-related events. I will enjoy every single one of them, but I'm also a HUGE homebody, so it will stretch me.

endeavoring to actually cook the many recipes I have pinned on Pinterest. So far I've cooked about five of them. It helped to use my Pinterest boards as I was planning meals.

finding my iPad indispensable. Twitter, Facebook, email, Sirius, Netflix, Pinterest, Kindle... it's all there in one convenient, portable package. I just wish it had a longer battery life.

Ok, so that's about all for me. I enjoyed this little format as a way to dump a lot of random stuff into one post. Hope you did too!

Come Monday

So my kids are in school now. If you follow me on Twitter, or check the feed here in the sidebar, you saw I tweeted a pic of them all ready for their first day. I was not ready. I wanted more summer, lamenting how fast it went by. But alas, there is no slowing time and no denying that the date on the calendar says it's time to go back. Back to routine. Back to schedules. Back to outside demands intruding on my desire to do nothing.

In other words, back to reality. I guess that's why I love summer so much. It's a bit of suspended reality. That's where fiction writers like to live anyway.

But before I go (not so) gently into that good night, I'm staging one last siege on summer. My oldest daughter (who is going to community college this year and therefore still at home) and I are going to our pool today on this last weekday it is open. We are spending several hours getting our tans on. Reading books. Listening to the country music they blast over the loudspeakers. Talking about everything and nothing. Debating whether they had mirrors where that girl bought her bathing suit. Because surely they must not have or she would've seen how very little that suit covers.

Come Monday I'm making myself get back on track. I've got my to-do list already started. I've got a new routine to get into. One that involves getting up and getting going. One that involves taking care of those edits that just showed up in my inbox, writing those blog posts I need to write, returning those emails I need to return, tackling those projects I promised I'd get to "after the kids were in school."

Come Monday I'll embrace the reality that is upon me, and make the best of it. But not today. Today I'm going to wring out the last drop of summer. Care to join me?

Dinner: A Love Story

It seems I jumpstarted my return to blogging. I thought I was ready to recommit to regular posts, but alas I was a bit overzealous with my kids still home, one child starting community college, one leaving to go back to college, three needing uniforms and school supplies, two having birthdays, some scattered book events... you get the drift.

But I did want to say I'm trying to come back on a more regular basis. I see light on the horizon in the form of next week when the birthdays will be over and the kids safely tucked away in school on a daily basis.

In the meantime, I wanted to share a book that has been inspiring me, Dinner: A Love Story. I stumbled onto it via Pinterest and was late to her party it seems, as this has been a popular website for years.

I spent a day curled up with this book, reading it. And yes, I said reading. It is a cookbook, but it's also a story about two parents who committed to eating dinner as a family every night even with two kids and two jobs. Even though I already serve some sort of dinner most every night, I was inspired by this book. Not necessarily even by the recipes (though I did see a few I wanted to try), but more by the spirit of the book-- the way that it urges us (me and you, the readers) to embrace dinner and family.

I was not sent this book nor does this author know I'm writing this. I just wanted to share in case some of you, like me, find yourselves needing a shot in the arm to help re-find your passion for food preparation. The night I read this I made pot roast with carrots, potatoes and onions and green beans. (My kids said it would've been perfect if I'd made cinnamon apples and rolls too-- duly noted.) For dessert I made a hot fudge pudding cake served with vanilla ice cream. Needless to say, my family was glad I found this book!

Here's the trailer, in case you'd like to know more:

Make Your Own Vinaigrette

(Image courtesy of myrecipes.com)

Want to whip up a balsamic vinaigrette dressing? Here's a recipe you can do with ease!

3/4 cup evoo
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1/4 tsp dijon mustard
1/2 tsp italian herbs
Sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Whisk everything together except oil. Add oil last. Let stand at room temp for a few hours to allow flavors to blend.

How To Get Your Novel Published

I received a question the other day from a woman who wanted to write a novel. She wanted my advice as to how she could get published. I wrote this response and then decided I should share it here, in case someone else had the desire to write a novel and wanted to know how to make it happen. Warning, my answer is not an easy one, but barring a rare miracle, it's the way to go about getting a novel published:


Butt in chair. Write the book. If it's fiction the whole book has to be submitted-- not just a few chapters like in nonfiction. It's hard to write a whole novel on spec but we all have to go through it. So take comfort in that.


Get input on the book via a critique group, a service like My Book Therapy, a writer friend-- wherever you can find help. Make changes. Edit. Tweak. Know that you've done everything you can to get the book ready to submit.


While the writing and tweaking is going on, keep an eye out for names of agents you might submit to. Build that list and, if possible, follow these people's blogs, tweets, etc. Get to know them and what they are looking for. Any more an agent is the only way to get in front of an editor.


Submit your manuscript to your list of agents with a well written query. (Google "how to write a query letter" for lots of advice on how to do that.)


Wait. Wait some more. While you're waiting, read books on craft and keep messing with that book. Get rejections and requests for partials (a few chapters). Hope that "the one" requests a full. If that doesn't happen, go back to edits. Make changes and resubmit. Ride the rollercoaster that is the writing life. Find some friends who are also writers so you have someone in your corner who understands. It's possible to find those folks online these days if they are not in your community.


With perserverance and tenacity, one day you will be published. Believe that and keep moving forward with that goal in sight and do not give up.

I'm Back

So I read on the calendar that it's August. But it can't be. Didn't summer just start? Shouldn't we be still diving in (pun intended) to long lazy days filled with sun and surf? I can't stand the back to school commercials and aisles filled with backpacks and glue sticks and spiral bound notebooks. Give me more summer!

But time marches on, and the calendar seems to be intent in getting us to that day lurking towards the end of this month. The day where I'll once more be tied to rising earlier than any of us likes, driving carpool, keeping up with emails and assignments, and-- shudder-- packing school lunches again. My two oldest will head to college. (Seriously? I can't have TWO in college!) My third will be the only one in high school this year. My fourth will be in the middle of middle school. My fifth will be in his last year of elementary school (how is that possible?) and my baby (sniff!) will be in the first grade. The other day I asked her if she'd please pretty please consider staying six with her two front teeth missing forever. She said sure. But alas her birthday also lurks at the end of this month. Her teeth might be missing a bit longer, but she won't stay six.

The beginning of August means I'm back from my blogging break. I'm glad that I took the break and focused on my family. I've had some memorable moments hanging out with my kids. I love talking with my older three and hearing what's going on in their lives. I love how hard they make me laugh, how much they challenge me to think, and how many things they introduce me to that I wouldn't know otherwise. I had a moment of awe this summer where I totally grasped what very cool people I have the privilege of raising and launching into the world.

Some of you probably already have kids back in school. Some of you are happy about it. Me? I could use a few more months of this suspended reality we call summer. Any time I can flee reality is a good time for me. I guess that's why I'm a fiction writer.

Taking A Break

I'm letting you all know that I'm going to be gone from here for a few weeks. I plan to return sometime in August. Between book promotion-type events and family vacation and our anniversary and 3 kids' birthdays, and the coming edits for my next book, and just the increased family time that comes with my kids being home from school, I've got to shift my focus a bit.

BUT!

I'm not leaving entirely. I'll just be found elsewhere. Because The Guest Book is the She Reads July selection, I'm posting over there regularly. And I'll still be showing up each Wednesday over at Southern Belle View. And I will continue to tweet and post on Facebook. My Twitter feeds show up in the sidebar here, or you can just hop over there and follow me. And I'm sure I'll be posting stuff on Pinterest, because I just love finding neat stuff on there and sharing it. I just reorganized all my recipes into categories because a board called "Food" just wasn't getting it anymore.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, I hope you're enjoying your summer. I'll see you back here in a bit, ready to talk about-- sigh-- school starting. I can hardly bear to say it, I love summer so.

Book Events This Coming Weekend

This coming weekend is my own personal kickoff for my book, and what better place to do it than in the area where it's set. If you're going to be anywhere near the Sunset Beach NC area this coming weekend (or you're just looking for an excuse to get away to the beach), please come out and see me at one of my book events! Here's where I will be this Thursday through Monday:

Thursday July 12, 1-4: The Silver Coast Wine Shop, Southport NC, in conjunction with Pelican Books (Southport is where the new Nicholas Sparks movie, Safe Haven, is being filmed. If you come you can check out the filming! This town is C-U-T-E. And if you want a cool place to have dinner, try the Provision Company. I feel quite certain my family and I will eat there after. Their shrimp burgers are famous!)

Friday July 13, 11-1: The Salt Shaker Book Store, Wilmington NC. I'll be there during lunch so plan to have lunch at their delicious cafe while you're there! Also, word has it that the sculptor who created the real sculpture in the book will be there to meet as well!

Friday, July 13, 3-5: Quarter Moon Books, Topsail Beach, NC: Wander in off the beach and have a smoothie. (Their smoothies are delish!) Or come later and have a glass of wine at their new wine bar. I'm hopefully hitting both crowds.

Monday, July 16, 1-4: Pelican Books, Sunset Beach, NC: This is my favorite bookstore on earth. The women who work there have led me to more than a few of my all-time favorites for many years and it's always surreal to see one of my books on their shelves. I'll be signing in the store for anyone who's game to stop by.

Hope to see you at one of these locations. You might see me, and you might just see my family lurking around too, as we're turning this into a family getaway. I'm looking forward to it!

The Tater Tot Casserole

A friend and I were having coffee and we got on the subject of the moms we used to be. Moms who wanted to be perfect, who still thought that if we followed some sort of prescribed formula we would create the ideal family, with the perfect offspring. We homeschooled and had elaborate charts for how to organize our households and signed up for all the right activities. We read all the how-to books, studying them as if we'd be tested on them later. We had heroes we looked up to, going to hear them at conferences, standing in line to say something inane to them about how inspired we were by their lives, wishing that just some of whatever they possessed would rub off on us. Both of us took turns confessing just how deep we'd gone in this pursuit of perfection.

She grinned and leaned forward. "I even emulated Michelle Duggar," she confessed. "I, like, studied her and tried to do what she did."

I nodded and grinned back. "Me too! I bought that first book they came out with."

And before I could say what was coming next, she did. "I even made that tater tot casserole!"

I doubled over in laughter. "I was just about to say I thought that the key had to be that tater tot casserole!"



Oh we had a good laugh over those moms we used to be. Now we know better. We know that, in spite of our best efforts and diligent studying of recipes and organizational techniques, our kids are as imperfect as we are, our spouses are not going to be robots, and all the formulas in the world don't guarantee a perfect existence. My friend and I haven't given up as in we don't try at all. But we have let go of our pursuit of perfection, of holding ourselves up to some self-created unreasonable standard. We've stopped seeking out other people as role models and stopped looking around for validation or permission.

I dare say we're happier for it. Some of you might like that tater tot casserole, but my family? They wouldn't eat it. Turns out, that's just not who we are. And for that I am very, very glad.