The Tater Tot Casserole

A friend and I were having coffee and we got on the subject of the moms we used to be. Moms who wanted to be perfect, who still thought that if we followed some sort of prescribed formula we would create the ideal family, with the perfect offspring. We homeschooled and had elaborate charts for how to organize our households and signed up for all the right activities. We read all the how-to books, studying them as if we'd be tested on them later. We had heroes we looked up to, going to hear them at conferences, standing in line to say something inane to them about how inspired we were by their lives, wishing that just some of whatever they possessed would rub off on us. Both of us took turns confessing just how deep we'd gone in this pursuit of perfection.

She grinned and leaned forward. "I even emulated Michelle Duggar," she confessed. "I, like, studied her and tried to do what she did."

I nodded and grinned back. "Me too! I bought that first book they came out with."

And before I could say what was coming next, she did. "I even made that tater tot casserole!"

I doubled over in laughter. "I was just about to say I thought that the key had to be that tater tot casserole!"



Oh we had a good laugh over those moms we used to be. Now we know better. We know that, in spite of our best efforts and diligent studying of recipes and organizational techniques, our kids are as imperfect as we are, our spouses are not going to be robots, and all the formulas in the world don't guarantee a perfect existence. My friend and I haven't given up as in we don't try at all. But we have let go of our pursuit of perfection, of holding ourselves up to some self-created unreasonable standard. We've stopped seeking out other people as role models and stopped looking around for validation or permission.

I dare say we're happier for it. Some of you might like that tater tot casserole, but my family? They wouldn't eat it. Turns out, that's just not who we are. And for that I am very, very glad.