Some of you saw my tweet/Facebook status yesterday indicating that Curt and I had both hit a wall of discouragement. Several factors were at play in this happening, but I will say that it is/was a very hard thing to face. I do better when I have a good outlook and perspective. When I allow myself to slip down in that pit of despair, it's not good. But sometimes too many things hit at once and it does happen.
This morning my quiet time was on the value of work. This was one of the hardest quiet times I've ever had as every verse I read seemed to contradict where we are. What if your spouse isn't a sluggard and desperately wants a job... but can't find one?? What then?? I went to my journal and poured out my heart to God. And then I asked Him, again, for a job for my husband. At what point am I the widow who went back to the judge so many times that she wore him out (Luke 18:1-8) and at what point am I babbling like a pagan, not relying on my Heavenly Father to know what I need (Matthew 6:7-8)? I can't make sense out of these two examples-- which am I to do? So I speak what is on my heart and hope that God understands. Yet deep down I worry that somehow we are doing this wrong... that if we did it right, obviously this would be over.
And then, because I try to pick a verse every day that speaks to me, I picked this one-- which wasn't even one of my verses in my study but just one my eye fell to when I was on that page. "Whoever trusts in riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf." (Proverbs 11:28) Maybe it's just that our city is turning green as spring takes root and I am celebrating the green leaves coming back, or maybe it's that I know I have a tendency to trust in riches-- to put more stock in what's in the bank than in what God can do-- but that verse spoke to me. I don't want to take the pulse of this family based on what is or isn't in our bank account but on the path of righteousness we are walking. I want to thrive like a green leaf, not fall like a dead one.
And so today I will be seeing the green leaves in a different way than I did yesterday, as a sign of hope and a promise of what's to come. It's much better than wallowing in a pit.