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Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I Better Be Watching


"Mommy, are you watching?"

"Mommy! Watch me!"

"Mommy can you see me? Can you see me play the drums?"

I am on the treadmill which faces the opposite direction of where my 4 year old daughter sits, banging away on a makeshift drum set with a pair of tinkertoy sticks, bliss etched on her face as she makes a noise that is somewhat like music. The rhythm is mostly drowned out by the sound of the treadmill.

She calls to me again so that I have to crane my head around at an awkward angle to see her. I watch her play the drums, per her insistent requests while my neck aches and I feel dizzy from moving forward at a rapid pace yet looking backward. I give up and turn back around to face forward.

"Mommy!" She calls. "You better be watching!"

I turn my head back around praying her drum solo ends soon.

Later I think about what she has said: I better be watching. In whatever she does in life this is true. When she looks up, when she turns around, whenever she needs me... I better be watching. My personal comfort aside, I better be watching. Even though she looks busy, she is still keeping track of whether I am watching. I might think she's forgotten but she doesn't. She never gets too busy or too distracted to be unaware of my eyes on her, my smile, my approval, my applause.

No matter what I do or where my life takes me, I better figure out a way to watch because if she looks up and finds me not there, it will steal her joy, lessen the experience. My job as her mom is to watch as much as possible, from now on. I want to watch her forever, to always be there to tell her "Great job!" Watching, after all, is as much for me as for her. The joy I see etched on her face can't be replaced. If I wasn't watching, I would miss it. I better be watching... and not just for her.
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7 comments:

Victoria said...

I'm glad you are back. I missed reading your posts, but am praying for you. You seem like you have been overwhelmed. Lifting you up to our Father. God bless!

Mom Can I? said...

she is a drummer eh? very touching post my friend. and i hate that dizzy feeling!!! i think i got dizzy reading that you were turning your head while on the treadmill!

Susan said...

Yes, all of us moms should always be watching even though it is sometimes hard. Isn't it awesome to know that our Heavenly Father is always watching over us and He is always there for us. I have two teenagers still at home and I sometimes feel as though they think I'm watching too much. But in the back of there minds, I hope that they are glad that I set parameters and that I care enough about them to be watching. Parenting is so hard but it is the one thing that I know without a doubt was in God's plan for my life! Thank you God for my family!

Renee Swope said...

Very powerful insight! I love this. I long for more time in my day for watching, and applauding, and smiling. This reminded me so much of how I longed for my dad to watch me and notice me and delight in me when I was a little girl. Thanks for the reminder that my Daddy always is.

Oh Dear said...

I SOOO needed this reminder! Thank you!

Angel77 said...

Wonderful word for mothers that have forgotten how to watch. Every now and then when my middle daughter (4) will say it and I cringe. Then other times I watch knowing that there will be a time that she will not ask for my eyes to be trained on her. But they will be, just not as noticeably

Janette Wright said...

This is my first time to your blog...I am new at this. I too have six children, but ages 26 to 4, and I loved this post. I am trying to not miss anything this last time around. God has been so precious to remind me how fast they grow, four out of the nest already, and to stop and enjoy! I loved being reminded again, "Mommy are you watching?"