So I was doing my Bible study and ended up in Hebrews. Specifically Hebrews 10:35-36. This is what it says:
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to
persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he
I noticed that I had written a date in the margin. I do that when a verse really ministers to me. Sometimes I can go back and say, "Oh that was when my son was in the hospital." "That was when my grandfather died." But this one I couldn't figure out at first. What was going on in July of 03? Like most mothers, I figured out how old my kids were at that point (it's the timeline of my life...). It dawned on me that that was the summer I committed to write a book and enter into this world of ministry. I can still remember calling my friend Lysa and saying with confidence, "I am going to do this. I am going to stop saying 'someday.'" Right around the time I placed that phone call, I marked that passage.
I stared down at the date and calculated how long it had been since I wrote that. More than six years. I stared at the word "persevere" and knew that, when I marked that verse, I had no idea how long my journey would take. And then I realized that I had just spent the bulk of my time with God bemoaning the fruition of my writing and ministry dreams. I was complaining about my deadline for the novel and whining about the speaking commitments I have coming up. As I re-read those verses I had marked long ago, God got my attention. He had given me what He had promised, opening doors of writing and speaking that were only dreams 6 years ago. My perseverance had paid off.
And how did I react? By pouting about it.
I know. It makes no sense. Why would I do that? Instead of pouting, I should be praising. Instead of sulking, I should be savoring. Instead of regretting, I should be rejoicing. I clearly needed an attitude adjustment. Sitting there this morning, my journaling changed. I started thanking God for the opportunities He has given me. I determined that, from now on I am going to move forward with an attitude of praise. I am not going to worry about what lies ahead. I am not going to whine to God about all that's on my plate. I am going to celebrate where He has me... and how far He has brought me. I am going to trust that none of what's happening comes as a surprise to Him, and that He will supply my needs like manna-- just enough of what I need for that day. No more, no less.
Today my assignment is to prepare to speak tonight. I am going to stand back and watch Him show up. I am going to remember the opening lines of those verses, "So do not throw away your confidence." And remember that my confidence is not in myself, but in Him.