Welcome to all who drop by today after reading my devotion-- I am so glad you stopped by! Please be sure to check out Micca Campbell's blog today. She has written about fear, which is the subject of her new book. Micca is one of my favorite people in the world, so I can't wait to get my hands on her book-- I know it will be a blessing. If you are struggling with fear in your life, I encourage you to preorder your copy from P31 today!
If you would like to share a story about fear that you have faced or are facing, please do so here. I will be checking in throughout the day and leaving comments (in the comments section) about the discussion. I look forward to seeing you all encourage each other to persevere in faith, hope and trust even as you face your fears. That's what it's all about--- holding each other's arms up when we grow weary.
PS. My story didn't end with a sick child and a broken marriage! God, who resurrects, restores and heals, healed my son and my marriage. We stayed together (though the process of doing so was painful and LONG) and our son is now a happy, healthy twelve year old blessing who knows God has big plans for him. Hallelujah and amen.
I HOPE YOU ALL ARE READING THESE COMMENTS... WOW! Thanks to all of you who have shared...
90 comments:
We all have our worst fears, mine are to loose a child and to have dementia like my father and grandmother.
I don't live in the United States, I am not American, I am French and on Inauguration Day, I spent two hours in front of my TV to see the ceremony in Washington DC, because it was an historical day for everybody in the world. The ceremony was really moving. Dear Marybeth, remain a true American woman. When we live abroad and read you, we don't want a globalised Marybeth, we want to hear from your life where you are living.
Sorry for my readers because I know my English isn't perfect.
thank you for the encouragement, i am still going through and living with my fear... although it is more of a strugle than anything i am a very impatient person i want things done now, and i want everything to be done my way.... i have a fear of loosing the people i love and because of me being so impatient im scarred that i may already be pushing them away...
thank you for your encouragement all the same.
God bless
Luv Louise Harris
Hi MaryBeth,
I really appreciated your devotional today. I too am living my fear; my youngest child lived his first 5 years as a super child only to find out that he has a rare neurological disease called Batten Disease, that is stripping him of his eyesight and will continue to degenerate his body & mind until it takes his life. I cling to God and the hope that He brings. I rely on his strength to face each day and not focus on what he is losing but rejoicing in what he is continuing to do. I must admit it is very hard some days but I do feel God is with us. Daily I have to remind myself that I am not alone in this battle. My husband, kids, family & friends are with me but most of all that God is leading us on.
Thank you for your encouragement.
Great devotion today, Marybeth!
Thank you Marybeth! I thought I was the only one with what I thought were irrational fears.
I divorced in 1995 from a marriage of domestic violence. I was alone, with God as the head of my family for the next 13 years. It was a struggle. My son was diagnosed at an early age with both autism and bipolar disorder, and those 13 years were beyond surreal.
God has sent the most wonderful man into my life now, who has taken both of my children and I, broken as we might be, and made us whole. I worry every day over losing him. And consequently, going back to the struggles I used to face alone.
It's a scarey thought, so your sentiments focused my mind where I needed it to be.
Thank you!
Fear. I have been stricken by it - along with anxiousness and worry since childhood. And I can tell you it makes a person weary! Maybe I should check out that book you mentioned!
Thank you for sharing your story - so encouraging.
Have a lovely weekend :)
Blessings,
Kate :)
Thanks for the devo today Marybeth. Just this past Sunday, I led the women in our class to write down their "I can'ts" and fears and then we canned them. It was amazing to see no matter who we are, we all have fears and doubts, but God is bigger than them all. So we must give the fear to Him and trust He will walk us thru the strom.
Blessings,
jill
Wonderful devotion, Marybeth. I know many people will be so blessed through it.
Hi, Marybeth! Thanks for your devotion! I have a child with autism, and I know that kind of fear, but I know the incredible blessing that is just behind the trial, too.
I see you are having a book published by Kregel! They are releasing my first one in March about God's Promises for Autism. They have been a great group to work with!
Kelly Langston
I loved your devotion today. Thank you for sharing your struggles and fears and how God redeems! I am considering taking the step into home schooling and while my heart is being drawn in, I have a lot of fears. Do I have what it takes? Will I be able to find time for myself? for my marriage? and on and on...
Blessings to you and your family!
Hello from te UK!
Thanks for the devotion today. It really is through the darkest times we learn to rely on god's Grace and Strength the most. I am in the early stages of my sixth pregnancy in 6 years, I have 2 beautiful girls ages 6 and 4. The last 2 miscarriages were physically traumatic BUT God used these times to reveal Himself to me in an almost indescribable way. It has also made me appreciate the many blessings from God I already have especially my husband and daughters. I am having to daily deal with my fears as we wait to see whether I will carry this child to term BUT I know whatever happens God is Sovereign, He has a plan for my life and ultimatly it will always be for my good and His glory.
Joanne
Your devotion today really hit home today. I have not been well since early December. Looking back, it all really started mid-summer, I just thought it was other things. My worst fear now is finding out this could be something terminal and leaving my young family (husband, 11, 9 and 2 year old) way too soon. The fear of death just grips me along with being selfish because I want to raise my kids whom I love very much. I realize there is no bargaining with God and life is not fair. It has been so hard. I just keep praying for answers, so at least I know what I am dealing with and up against.
Thank you for your devotion today! What a great one! I have always wanted to be a mother. My worst fear, since I was a child, was that I wouldn't be able to have children. It was always on my mind and, before I got married, I struggled with looking at my boyfriends and wondering if we would be "compatible." I broke off two engagements prior to my marriage and, when I finally did get married, my mom asked me how I knew it was "the one." I answered, "because if we couldn't have kids, we'd be okay." We've officially be "trying" for children for 2 years now. I have had one miscarriage. Based on my fear, you would think that I am heartbroken on a daily basis. However, I have so much hope. Allowing God to work through our fears is so miraculous. I now trust that whatever is to be, will be and it will be greater than I ever imagined.
Thanks MaryBeth.
What a blessing this was. I also have STRUGGLED with so many fears, overwehelming fears and now my precious 15 year old is struggling with worry and fear and feelngs . I am asking for prayer for him so God can quiet his mind. God send the messages we need just when we need them but I am oh so tired. All of your articles seem to hit me right where I live Thanks so much.
My husband had an affair...not a one night stand...an affair. He moved in with another woman and decided that he wanted a divorce. He wanted to marry her and start a wonderful life (our life) with her. It was devastating but God was there. He grew me in that time. He changed me. I read the Word and prayed and built a strong relationship with Him. In return God changed my husband. He turned his heart away from sin and made us a strong, happy and healthy couple. Our love is stronger today and it has ever been and it is ALL because of God. Press into him when your fears rise up and you are walking through the darkest night. He is the dawn.
I think part of why we have those fears is so that when we experience what we most fear, we can also see God's grace shining through. when I was pregnant with my daughter 3 years ago, a friend of mine was told her unborn son would not survive to deliver or would die shortly after birth (he's healthy). I remember thinking I could never do that and 2 years later we did, being unexpectedly pregnant with a baby with a severe congenital heart disease. Seth was with us for 6 1/2 months before God took him back to Heaven and I'm living every parent's nightmare. And it's awful. But oh, the Grace of God and His blessings are plentiful!!! (Which isn't to say I don't still struggle, I do, but I'm also confident that our Saviour is doing a greater work in me!)
Thank you.
Thank you for these words today. I am needing them most at this very moment. I was always fearful that I would never find the right man for me and get married and have a family. At 41 years old I met a man that I truly fell in love with and he gave me two beautiful stepdaughters. Little did I know how much we would struggle and due to some very painful choices on my husband's part - our marriage is in turmoil and will only be saved by God's miracle. Before this happens, I know that my husband will need to be broken. I appreciate so much the words and hope you shared.
I have a great Praise report to share. Many years ago, my Father burst an anyuerism in his brain,,aand went into a two month coma in which the doctors-and a neighbor, informed us their was no hope, and nothing could be done. I feared losing him, my wonderful Aunt took us together and prayed with us, not to mention the Convent where my mom's aunt lived and to this day he has miraculously come out of the coma to kick some more but in this world we're living in. My current fear is the nodes in his lungs with emphazema, and radiation treatment for prostate cancer. I love you and thank you for all your support and encouragement. Another fear is homeschooling our 9 year old son. He is currently in a public special education classroom with a negative teacher yelling at him and he can not talk about God. Thank you again!!! We love you!!!-Tracy
Thank you for todays devotion. I have struggled with fear all of my life. My mother struggled with it all of her life as well. It poisons families and it has a tendency of being passed from one generation to the next, if not stopped in its tracks. I am learning to release my fears and to place them at the feet of Christ(without picking them back up again).
God Bless you Marybeth for sharng your story. May your story encourage others onward and point them to the HEALER of our mind, body and souls; our Savior.
I faced my worst fear August 2008 when I lost my husband of 11 years. He passed away very unexpectedly. We have 4 small children and the thought of doing it on my own overwhelmed me. I have learned that God will take care of me and he will never leave me. I have a wonderful church family who shows me Gods love every day.
Thank you for the devotion today. They keep me going.
Becky
thank you for your devotion today--you spoke right to my own fears that I struggle with as well
My greatest fear dealt with money or should I say lack of it. I was an accountant pursuing my career and then I became a mom through adoption. Believe it or not infertility was not a fear of mine. I guess God had already prepared our hearts for it. But that is a whole other story.
After becoming a mom, my desire was to stay home with my son. God allowed that to happen and I was home with him for over two years. During that time we adopted our daughter. When our daughter was less than a year old it became very evident that I was going to need to return to work. So a position came available at the company I was previously employed with and I returned to work full time.
About four or five years earlier I had surrendered my life to full time service in the area of women's ministry. I was leading the women's ministry at my church and also God had begun providing opportunities for me to speak at other churches. When I had to return to work I had no idea how I could continue all of my responsibilities. I really felt like God was taking my calling away from me and I was angry. In hind sight I realize that God was telling me to just be patient and wait. So that is what I did. I pursued my career, but three years into it God spoke to my heart and said that it was time to pursue my calling full time. My husband and I really prayed about this. And my husband said let's do it but I just couldn't. I continued working for almost another year until God spoke so loudly to me that I knew if I did not leave my career I would be in direct disobedience to Him.
Fear kept me at my job that last year. I was so fearful that we would end up like before and I would need to return to work again. And I was sure my company would not hire me back a third time and during that last year I had been promoted to a Supervisor with a nice raise. I literally prayed to God one day and said that I really wanted to obey but I felt like my feet were in cement. I told Him that I was going to stretch my hand out as far as I could reach and I was going to trust that His hand was there. I asked Him to please just give me a tug when He felt my fingers and God was so faithful to do just that. I left my career this past May and you can see what the economy has done. God's has blessed my obedience more than I can even begin to tell you about. And I can honestly say to you today that God has freed me from this fear. Praise His Holy Name!
I am currently trying to work thru my greatest fear. Three years ago my husband started a business, however the business failed. We tried so hard to make it a success but the business literally left us broke & bankrupt.
I grew up with a father who taught me to be wise with money. I prided myself in having good credit..I even went to college and had just paid off all my school loans four years prior to helping my husband open his business.
My greatest fear has been that my friends & family members are going to find out about this massive failure. I am embarassed that we had to file for bankruptcy. My credit is destroyed.
Thru all of this heartache, a blessing did come out of it. My husband came back in relationship with the Lord & our marriage is even stronger. I am just having a hard time with people somehow finding out about our bankruptcy. I am working on dealing with this fear and trying to figure out how God can "work" thru my fear.
Psalms 34:4
I sought the Lord, and he answered me: he delivered me from all my fears.
As a survivor of a brain tumor.
I hold tight to this scripture. I have had one major fear all my life. FEAR OF DYING! I've been afraid of this since I was a teenager. I'm 35 now. It's been a life long journey for me. Of which I still have to depend on God for the strength. I had to realize that thoughts of dying and the fear that come with them are NOT FROM GOD.
I thank God for his strength and grace as he helps me with my struggle. I don't know that if I didn't have this fear...I wouldn't be close to God.
Thank you Lord for your deliverance. I pray for deliverance for each of you ladies today.
Be encouraged! God has a plan!
Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumph! I am know over 50 yrs. old and have seen what seems to be a lifetime of ups and downs. Death of children, death of a wonderful marriage due to sin... through it all, God has been right by my side, holding my hand, whispering "You can go on, I love you, you are my child." I have recently been laid off (twice in less than twelve months. I am a single mom, raising a teen and yet, I have no fear. God has shown me through faith over all these years that He will always be there. This doesn't mean the road is not rough, sure it is. But the joy deep within me is my daily assurance that "God is All, All is Well." Blessings! Bobbi
I came face to face with my fear of losing a child during my first pregnancy. With the first ultrasound at 20 weeks they found major problems with the baby. I went to a specialist in downtown Houston, TX on 9/11/01 and found out the baby girl I was carrying had Cystic Hygroma and Fetal Hydrops (Heart Failure). It was a bad day for my husband and myself along with the rest of the USA. I carried the baby full term (the only case to carry that far), but instead of distancing ourselves from each other my husband and I clung to each other. The baby only lived 1 hour. This whole ordeal brought our 2 year marriage to a complete bonding point and today 7 years later we are closer than ever. The day we lost the child my husbands words were "God is Still Good." He even wrote a song during this time that has blessed many churches. God and Love brought us through.
May God help you through your fears too.
Thank you for the devotion today. I have learend first hand how the Lord will be with us no matter what. Even when facing the worst, He gives us strength and peace and comfort.
Good morning Marybeth - So glad you got your snow! Today Jan 23 is the anniversary of my worst fears come knocking on my door - that dreaded phone call from a child in the ER!! God walked us through the valley of the shadow of death and taught me to lean on Him. I learned that leaning on Jesus is far more manageable than fighting the fear.
I too had the same fears. Although I did not have a child with any birth defect, my marriage did end. I was married almost 23 years. It was a bad marriage from the beginning. I stayed because of my commitment to not only my husband but more importantly to God. God hates divorce. After he left, pieces started to fit together of the years of lies he had lived. It was shocking and hard. However, life after divorce has been harder. He is not involved in the children's lives and I am the one to pick up the pieces and try to help them put their lives back together. I know it has only been by God's grace I have made it this far.
I heard someone say when the worse thing you think could happen to you does you realize it really wasn't as horrible as you thought. Divorce is wrong and I tried for almost 23 years to save the marriage, but it wasn't the end of my life. It many ways it really was the beginning for me to be free to be what God would have me to be!
I once worked for an unscrupulous man. He was a vice principal, I a teacher. I was forced one day to stand up to him in a situation where he was being unfair. From that day forward he treated me like dirt every chance he got and ignored me the rest of the time. Sadly, our principal (a man of principle) moved on to another position and the vice principal moved up. That entire year I feared he would try to run me out of my job. Every one thought I was being silly. But I was right. My worst fear came true. Despite not being completely content in that district, I was still terrified of losing that job. Well, the Lord, turned my worst fear into a blessing. I love my new school district. I am surrounded by people who believe in the Lord as I do. Everything worked out beautifully. The Lord's will brought me face to face with my fear, but also brought me through it. What I feared was actually a blessing.
Thanks for all these comments! I love that you all are taking the lead and encouraging each other-- some of you offering hope from your past experience, and some simply, honestly confessing the fears you are now facing. I love that you are doing this and am awed by both the comments here and the private emails I am getting!
My prayer is that you all will experience freedom from fear as you lean into Him. Even more, I pray that you will experience unexpected blessings along the way.
Hi Marybeth. Thanks for the encouragement. My greatest fear is to fail in my role of being a wife and mother. To date, I feel that the Lord has been allowing me to live out my fear. I always feared that I'd do something that would make my husband lose interest in me. 2 years ago, my fears were realized when my husband and I got into our first major disagreement. I did not agree with some friendships that he had and my reactions made him feel controlled and disrespected. On top of that, I couldn't seem to get a hold of myself (I couldn't seem to lose the pregnancy fat, I didn't feel physically attractive, I was super insecure), the kids (my oldest son was smack in the middle of his terrible twos while I was still breastfeeding my younger son) and managing the household. For some reason I wasn't able to pick up the pieces in my life after my 2 pregnancies. I felt terrible when my husband told me that he didn't want anything to do with me because of how unproductive I was and how emasculated I made him feel. There was nothing else to do but pray...which I did. Since then it's been a roller coaster ride for me. But through it all the Lord has been faithful. I realized that the Lord is allowing all of this so that I can see what it really takes to be the kind of wife and mother that He wants me to be. I always dreamed of having the traits of a Proverbs 31 woman and I guess He's just helping me get there.
Things aren't exactly perfect yet, but there have been major improvemetns. The Lord has shown me his love in so many hopeless situations. As of today, my relationship with my husband is great, my kids are growing well and I'm learning (little by little) how to manage the house. I'm still scared of not being able to deliver the goods every day, but I've learned to realize that trusting the Lord is more than enough to counter my fears.
Thank you SO much for your devotion.
You are always such a blessing! My worst ever fear came true when my mom
died 4 years ago. She had been really sick for 3 years with an unknown disease. I couldn't even fathom the thought of her being gone.
I just couldn't even go there! It was too hard to even have one thought
of that. When she died, it was shocking to everyone. My worst fear came true. Even after 4 years, I still get mad and sad at times and ask why? But the one thing I have held on to is the FACT that GOD is STILL on HIS throne and He ain't leaving it! HE is still The One in control and remains the sames yesterday, today, and forever! Some things we will never know this side of Heaven. I trust GOD to know what HE is doing and trust in HIS timing, which more often than not, is NOT my timing. He is perfect and knows why when I don't. And that HAS to be ok. You just learn to accept some things. My prayer is that GOD will use what I went through to glorify HIM and help others who have lost someone near and dear to them. I have already seen where HE has been able to use me in other people's lives. How exciting! To HIM be ALL glory!!
Julie Spearing
Hi Monica-- I wanted to tell you to read "Housewives Desperate For God." To me, this book should be required reading once a year for ALL women who choose to be homemakers!! I loved it and plan to go back through it often as a reminder of the Truths in that book. Just the fact that you are concerned about doing an excellent job shows me that your heart is already in the right place-- doing all things as unto Him. Best wishes in your pursuit of a happy domestic life!
As a young girl I knew a man who was unable to leave his house out of fear and actually died later as a prisoner in his own home. I was fearful as a child that this might somehow happen to me and thought of him throughout my life. Then..... after a series of attacks from a panic disorder, I developed full blown Agoraphobia! I was unable to leave my home alone to even go to the grocery store at the end of my street. Now, after three years of intense therapy and lots of prayer I am able to drive up to twenty minutes from my home and have done this drug free. During this time, your ministry has been my salvation. Thank you so much for the daily devotions. Currently I am unchurched but do plan to start looking for a church home. Proverbs Ministires has been such a blessing. Thank you.
My worst fear was being a single mother. I watch my mothers struggles in raising me. I did not want to go through it or have my children experience life with only one parent. Yes, I too, am LIVING my fears. My husband and I divorced 10 years ago. Leaving my children without a father. Through this struggle, I grew close to God and learned to lean on him for all things. I can't say that life is rosey now, but it is not unbearable as I expected it to be. My kids are "normal" kids with extraoridinary faith. I know deep inside of them they know who to turn to in mist of troubles and how to coop with whatever life throw their way. As for me, I am happy and close to my [heavenly] Father. Still hoping for a Godly husband (if there are any left), but okay with being single...
Thank you so much Marybeth for your devotion. I read each devotion every morning when I get to work and they truly amaze me that I am not alone.
My fear-Well I was pregnant in January of 2008 and so was my best friend. I had been trying for about 4 years and finally I was blessed with a little one in my womb. I always feared (my first pregnancy, her second) that I would miscarry and my best friend would be happy and pregnant and bring a beautiful child into the world. Yes it happened. I miscarried in March of 2008 at 12wks.
I am learning thru my fears and all that I have endured this year that I have to rest in His hands and that thru all this I will be able to help others thru their struggles of infertility and also losing a baby.
Thanks and God bless.
Marybeth
I have enjoyed your devotional for months.
I acknowledge fear in my life. I suffered a 'Traumatic Brain Injury' in an auto accident 2 years ago and than have had to work through relationship issues with my wife and step son. They separated from me last year and there is a lot of fear going down the pathway of life by oneself after suffering a 'TBI' which only God can fully understand. Most Christians have an opinion on 'TBI' but only a rare few understand that someone who has had a 'TBI' just need to be encouraged, prayed for, loved and understood.
Thanks for listening!
Thank you for your blog! it is so encouraging!
I am a 16 year old girl who has experienced pretty much all of her worst fears. My dad died when I was nine. I blamed myself becasue I hadnt prayed for him when my mom said to. I went to church for the first time that week. by age eleven, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression. I was suicidal. I had serious control issues, and because everything else seemed to be spinning out of control in my life, I developed anorexia. I was so underweight that I was near risk of organ failure. I refused to give up control of anything. I felt trapped and prayed for death. I had decided to kill myself, but a couple of days before the 'date', I was forced to take medication for all of my various disorders. I gradually began to get better. two years later, I was barely underweight. I had better control of my disorders. But I still didnt trust in God.
My mom remarried and we moved and switched churches. With my new youth group, I went to a retreat called Snowflake. That day, I gave control over to God. I first fully trusted in Him as my Saviour. Losing control was my biggest fear until then.
Since giving up control, my life has improved so much for the better. I now co-lead a Christian group at my high school. I spent the past summer at camp, after enerv having been to summer camp before, and only a year before, had difficulties sleeping over at my best friend's house for one night!
God has blessed my through overcoming my worst fears!
Lynne- hearing from you gives me hope for other teens who have faced hardships and learned that surrender is often the best step towards joy and the abundant life that Christ promised us.
Thank you for sharing your story here... that took courage.
Fear has been a big factor for me in my life. I have even been and sometimes still fearful of The Lord. I was given a False Image of God as a child. I was always afraid of God that he would punish me more than anything else. I had a image of Him as controlling me and not having a "say" with him. I am still working on that to this day. God has shown me how loving and gentle and kind he is. He has really been teaching me how to trust him in all things. I came from a home of emotional and spiritually abuse.I was given up by both parents, raised by a controlling grandmother and survived cancer, infertility and graves disease. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband and daughter, a family I never had growing up. God has given me so much! I truly am grateful to my one and only "Father". God has turned my life around for the best. I Praise Him Forever!
Love,
Debra
Debra-- Your comment made me think of the verse about God settling the barren woman in her home, giving her that gift of a family. What a blessing!
For the past year, I've been living a nightmare existence: my marriage of 7 years has collapsed. It was crumbling during its last 2 or 3 years, but I tried to hold it together; I figured it was my fault - I wasn't attractive enough; I wasn't "playful" enough; he was just tired of me.... But I found out there was so much more to it than that! He was heavily involved in pornography.... He was hooked up on several web sites, looking for "other partners" - and he found them! After the first "round" of affairs, I forgave him and for a year tried to restore the marriage, but began to realize that he wasn't putting forth much effort. He was exhibiting more and more anger and bitterness towards me, and would keep his distance - we would never do things together. After about 10 months, I found the next set of affair messages, etc., and confronted him. He was furious and told me he was being set up, which I knew was a lie. That's when I was dealt the worst possible blow: my teen-age daughter came to me, in tears, and disclosed the fact that my husband had been sneaking into her bedroom at night and touching her inappropriately (he is not her birth father). That was it! We tried to file charges against him, but because there was no physical evidence, the prosecuting attorney wouldn't take the case. He's getting away with it (at least THIS side of eternity)! My daughter still suffers flashbacks and insomnia (he did this to her for years apparently, but he's a scary man, and she was too afraid to say something). Since filing divorce papers, he has made several death threats on my life - I've had to move my children to an undisclosed location. Also, in the midst of all of this, he has made the sale of the marital house impossible, dispite the court order to do so - so now we will lose the house to foreclosure. And, as if all of that was not enough to deal with, I have a brain tumor that is inoperable - it is wrapped around one of the carotid arteries - and will have to go through radiation treatments. I know in my heart that the Lord is in charge, and has the Master Plan... but I'll be honest, there are times when I break down and cry, and wonder "why?!" and I do fear that He has forgotten about me. That's my biggest fear - that the Lord has forgotten about me; with all that He has to deal with on a daily basis: who am I that He would have time for me? and that's why my life is in such turmoil. But I have to bring myself back, and remind myself that without the "fires", the gold could not be purified....
Hey guys-- anyone who reads this-- would you all join with me in praying specifically for "anonymous" from the comment above this one? We don't know who she is, but God does. Please pray for physical healing and God's provision for her housing, as well as undeniable assurance that God not only hasn't forgotten her, but that He is holding her in the palm of His hand.
Thanks to all who join with me in prayer!
It has been amazing to read all the comments that have been left here today. To realize that we all have fears and yet with God all things are possible. I suffer from anxiety and people used to say, you are a Christian you should have not fear. They, of course, were wrong. We do have fears, but we also have the great physician on our side! How glorious that we can be healed of this. Yes, there can be relapses, but just remember to cling to Jesus and listen only to His voice.
I am praying for all who have left comments here.
Hugs and Blessings,
Lynn
My biggest fear? That my husband would commit adultery and leave our family, the way that my father did when I was 13. How am I facing it? In Sept. 2007, I discovered that my husband was engaging in an emotional affair. In November, he vowed to break it off. In January 2008, he picked it back up again and escalated it to physical adultery. I discovered this on Easter 2008, when I intercepted a text message from his affair partner. For another month, he continued. Then, finally, in April he cut off all contact and we began the healing journey. Things are still incredibly difficult, but God is faithful. My husband has been restored in his own walk with God and is turning around his selfish-lifestyle. I am working on trusting the Lord, and coming face-to-face with and releasing my fears. It's an unintended journey we're on, and I'm confident that God's love is going to triumph, but this "surrender thing" is HARD! For all of you in similar situations... hang in there!
Anonymous,
I was praying for you as I read your comment. My precious Lord how I lift this women up to you. I lift up her family so that YOU GOD will just hold them so close to You. I pray for healing of this brain tumor, I pray for emotional healing of this family, I know you are not forgotten. Our God will work big in your life. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
In His Love,
Debra
MaryBeth, and everyone:
I am the "Anonymous"... let's just say my name is 'Mary'. Thank you so much for the prayers! I guess in re-reading my post, it ended ubruptly - it's not to say that I don't feel that I'm surrounded by the Lord's love; there are just those times when I feel abandoned. And I'm sure we all have those times! This past year has just been a "desert" for me - and for my daughter as well! And I'm trying so hard to remind her that the Lord IS in control! And restore her faith in Him! I also have a 7-year-old son, who thinks the world of his father, because he doesn't know what his father has done.... And I have to protect this young boy, both his heart, and his physical being. I still have to go through the actual divorce hearing in March of this year, and I don't expect that it will be pretty. I am without an attorney, and my ex is trying to accuse me of attempted murder. It's a mess! He's not well - mentally - and the custody battle will be nasty. But I know the Lord is on my side (even though my ex at one point professed to be a believer). Psalm 55:20-23 is my stronghold!
Again, thank you for your prayers, as you all are in mine! I appreciate the daily devotions - I look forward to them, and share them with my daughter, to lift her spirit, and grow her faith. May God bless you and keep you!
'Mary'
My fear is making my children the way my parent's made me feel growing up. That they won't feel important or cherished. I thank God that He has given me freedom from those feelings myself, and is leading me to a rich and loving relationship with my children. I want to start a new generation-starting with my children. A generation of Bible believing, cherished, adored children.
Kelly
MaryBeth,
I too have had one of my worst fears almost realized. I feared I would end up divorced and a single mother. My husband and I have had many struggles during our marriage and about 3 months ago I really believed that our marriage was over. He had told me many times over the years that he wanted a divorce but this time I thought he was dead serious. I was so broken and felt so much despair that when I dropped my son off at school that day I went straight to my church to ask someone to pray with me. And even though it was way out of my comfort zone to do that, it was the best thing I think I've ever done. God met me at church that morning and gave me peace and hope like I've never experience before! I have been in counseling since then and I cannot even begin to explain what a difference I've seen in my spiritual life and in my marriage. God is so faithful to keep his promises! And even though I am so undeserving of his rewards, he is already blessing me with them. By Him already allowing me to see change it has been such an encouragement for me to keep doing what he is calling me to do as a wife and mother. I'm really excited about what the future holds and how God will continue to grow me in ways that are better than I could hope for!
My biggest fear is losing my battle against my disease of addiction. I have been clean and sober for 43 days today! Not long ago I was living on the streets, homeless, living day to day, dealing with a demon that took over my spirit and literally my life. Addiction to cocaine. The turning point took place during my short stay at the local county jail for my 3rd prostitution arrest. I attended a church service at the jail one day and felt the power of Jesus Christ through a woman performing the service. She asked if anyone had any personal petitions or prayers that we needed Jesus to answer. I had a definite need and desire to go up to the front of the room and ask the woman for Jesus to take away my addiction to drugs. She put her hand on my head and asked me if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and savior. I answered "yes". She kept her hand on my head while she came out with what I believe to be Jesus Christ speaking through her. "Well then it's gone". She continued praying over me, even speaking in tongues at times and I felt the demon being released from me. I cried and felt the power of Jesus pushing me back as the demon was released from me. I've never experienced anything like that before. I thank God everyday for saving me and my spirit from the destructive lifestyle I was living. Today I am proud to say that I have turned my life around. I have my own place, am getting my life back together, picking up the pieces that I broke during my years of my selfishness and my severe addiction. I am speaking to all of my immediate family members again including my two beautiful daughters who missed their mommy so much. I have another chance at life and I have God to thank everyday for that chance. I hope to someday be an inspiration to other drug addicts and prostitutes to let them hear my testimony and be an example to them letting them know that they too can overcome their disease of addiction. Thank you for reading. God bless you Marybeth and readers.
just wanted to say God is talking to me via the Proverbs 31 daily devotions. This one today hit home. Just yesterday I read Isaiah 41:10 AND Iasiah 43:1. GOD brought it back to me today. I decided to insert my name after "so, do not fear, (put your name here), ...for I am with you. Also, I inserted my name on the other verse, ..."i have summoned you by name; (your name here) YOU ARE MINE." WOW that is good stuff right there.
Thank you MaryBeth for your transparency and sharing.
I too am dealing with an overwhelming sense of fear. I began getting sick in August of 2008. I was having chest pains, high blood pressure high heart rate, insomnia, weight loss, digestive problems, and worse of all panic attacks. I had never experienced anxiety or panic attacks before so I didn't know what was wrong with me. I went 6 weeks like this running test after test with no answers. All the doctors I had seen so far thought it was all in my head. I eventually checked myself into a behavioral clinic deciding if this was in my head i needed to know how to cope with it. The doctors there found out that I had a thyroid problem. So here I go with more tests. The doctors found tumors on my thyroid. During this time I am on all kinds of meds and my fear is dying and leaving my husband and especially my 7 year old son who by the way is autistic and who I have been homeschooling for the past year and a half. My husband works while I stay at home with our son. Needless to say we are far from being financially secure and now my husband, God Bless him, took off two months of work to be with me during this time. We both worried how we were gonig to pay our normal bills while I am also piling on medical bills to a already stressed budget. I thought I had thyroid cancer. My doctor removed my entire thyroid in December 2008. He said my tumors had all the characteristics of cancer but praise the Lord the biopsy after surgery showed no cancer. But now I am still coping with irrational fears. They are trying to balance out my thyroid hormones with meds and the doctor said it could take up to 6 months for me to feel like myself again. i thought surgery was supposed to help but it seems to have given me a whole new set of issues. Pray for me I am still coping with anxiety and insomnia. I have always worried about my son's future sense he was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4. But through all of this I have held tight to my faith. the Lord said He would never leave or forsake us. I pray for each and every one of you that God will help you to surrender your fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mine."
God Bless, JoJo
Sorry guys that verse in 2 Timothy 1:7 reads like this " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Sorry for the type o
My biggest fear my entire life was being fat. I can remember as a child my father telling me I better never get as big as the rest of the women in my family. I had an eating disorder as a teen and I never wanted to have kids because I feared getting big. After giving birth to my daughter who was born with Cerebral palsy that still did not bring me to my knees. Almost but not all the way. I went back down to my normal weight, and even though my daughter was born with the right side of her brain totally dead and 50% of her left I beleived she would be ok. Prior to her thrid birth day I got married and we moved and in about 4 moths my weight shot up past 200lbs. There was no medical explination. I had every test ran on me and nothing was wrong. It was only God. It was my worst fear and it finally was here. Now that I have had time to think about it with out the weight gain I would have never really really gave my entire heart and soul to Christ. I was raised in the church I have always attened church but I needed something more. I needed a relationship, I had gone thru a lot as a child and I was missing something and he was the only one who could provide that for me and in order for me to stop and listen to him he had to get my attention. I went into a deep depression with the weight gain, my marriage was suffering I was unhappy, but I learned to rely on Jesus and he took care of me and let me know that it would be ok and he would not let me down. This process started in 2003 and it is not over yet I am still a work in progress but I have learned a lot and have met a lot of encouraging people along the way. But that original fear of being fat I had to look it in the face to finally be able to have the relationship I needed with my father and because of that I am truly thankful. And my daughter she is ok she is 10 and you would never know she was born with the right side of her brain totally dead and 50% of her left. She has be featured on TBN as a miracle child. My husband and I have been married for 8 years this year and we are still strong. I look at children as gifts, I am still working on my weight and have a fear now that if it all comes off that I will go back to being the person I was prior to my relationship with Christ. So i view it as armor if you will and it is not healthy and I am trying to get it off so pray that I can get it off and that my husband and I if it is the Lords will, will be blessed with one more gift another child. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my biggest fears right now is driving on the freeway! This may sound crazy, but a few years ago, when I hit my late 40's, I experienced what I am sure was a panic attack while driving a busy freeway, and have had it happen a few more times. I don't usually need to get on the freeway for work etc. and if I have to go somewhere far I take the backroads if possible. I hate feeling the fear, but it's something about all the cars going so fast and me feeling out of control. It never bothered me before a few years ago...I am wondering if it's peri-meno/hormone stuff?
Goodness my heart goes out to anonymous that posted at 12:23, i think that was the time....If you look back will you just e-mail me. I want to keep in touch and encourage you....Pray for you....ect...please e-mail me.
Shannon
smarklow@gmail.com
Marybeth:
Thank You so much for today's devotional. I, too, am in the midst of my worst fear. My worst fear was that my teenage daughter would give in to temptation as most of her peers had. She came to me and sadly announced that she had for her "first" and only time engaged in unprotected sex with her boyfriend. We are currently in the "waiting period" to see if she could be pregnant. This has brought hurt and disappointment to our lives, but it also brings us hope because we are a Christian family, and we know that God turns all things to His Glory!! I've read some of the comments here, and my heart goes out to all of you who are struggling with illnesses, or children with illnesses. I take comfort in knowing that our Lord will hold us all in his hands. Thank you all for your encouraging words and I know that God will answer all of our prayers!!
In Him,
*J*
When I was 14 years old I lost my brother in a fatal car accident as he tried to avoid hitting two kids on four wheeler. I saw the devastation and pain that it brought upon my parents. I didn't think I could go through something like that. My husband and I were so excited the day we found out we would be expecting, what would we name the baby...so on and so forth. Then came the 20 week sono. I could tell by the technician's "punching of buttons" that something wasn't right. "The baby has too much fluid on its heart and brain", says my doctor. Then we went to a specialist who confirmed everything. The Holy Spirit quickened upon my heart the scripture from Psalm 139: 13-18, and I began to meditate upon these words. Three weeks later as I went in for a check up, there was no heartbeat. I was now living one of my biggest fears. I couldn't understand why? Why me? The answer I got back astounded me...why not? And still I didn't understand that response. It has been a long healing process. How did I do it? I have a wonderful church family that uplifted me in prayer, I myself dropped to my knees and began praying for peace and a deliverance from my anger, and loneliness. Then, one by one, God began to send people that I talk to everyday and worship beside every week to tell me about their experience of losing a child. This trial tested my faith in God. I was weak at first, but then God began to do a work in my heart. I know scripture tells us that God will not put more on you than you can bear. I know from Psalms 139, that God knew me before I was ever born...he knows me better than I know myself!! I believe with all my heart that God knew the burden our child would've had on my husband, me, and our marriage. Another thing that brings comfort to me, is that I know that I will one day see my baby girl, and she will be perfect. I couldn't think of a better father to take care of my baby girl, than our Father in Heaven.
As a blind person I have many fears. My biggest fear is being attacked and not being able to deffend myself. I struggle with worry and anxiety s well. I'm learning to trust God through everything and I know that whatever happens it will work out for the good to those who love God and are called to his purposes.
Thank you for your devotion today. On Dec. 27th our family was broken when my husband of 18 years walked out the door. We have 2 sons 17 and 14 who are struggling to make sense of this as I am too. I am in constant prayer for God to heal our family and open my husbands heart.
Please pray for our family to be whole again.
Thank you,
Brenda
Two years ago we adopted our infant son with severe hemophilia. You don't have any real issues to contend with until they are mobile and all the Doctors told us was every child is different so we will have to wait and see but be prepared to be trained to give him an iv 2-3 times a week starting around 18 months of age. My husband and I have been doing this without assistance for the past six months. What I have learned is the fear of a situation is sometimes worse than going through it.
We started our own business last summer shortly before things went array in the economy. We have many prospective clients but no income yet and our savings are almost depleted. I came to realize that we are doing all we know to do and God has given us everything we need for today...our home, our son's medication, food, etc...I have to trust God for tomorrow.
As anonymous just wrote, "The fear of something is sometimes worse than going through it."
So true, so true. I love this quote!
A week after I turned 36 and a week before our 14th wedding anniversary, my husband, age 35, drowned while we were on vacation. My fear at that time was how could I possibly get through this and raise my 6 & 8 year old alone and on my own. I prayed and felt God's hand on me right away. With His help I was able to overcome that horrible day and can now say my children are wonderful adults. I fear something will happen to them, especially since I don't live near them..funny how children like to leave the nest. Yet, I know it is all in God's plan and I know, with His help, I will get thru anything. He made me a strong woman. I need not fear.
Thank you for your devotion today; it was so encouraging. My husband and I have had financial stress for the past few years. I also struggle with anxiety and can work myself into quite a frenzy. But thanks be to God who will never leave me nor forsake me. I know He is in control and has a plan for our lives. I have recently taken a major step back in my own home business due to the effects of pushing myself too hard, too long and being completely burned out. While this made no sense logically, it was a sure leading from God and I have had such peace.
Letting go of my fears on a moment by moment basis is very challenging some days. Yesterday was one of them. As I am getting more sleep, resting in Him and taking care of myself and my husband, He is bringing to mind his wonderful promises when I start heading down the bunny trail.
My God richly bless you and your family.
I happened upon your devitional today (God's prompting). I've never blogged before, but wanted to share. I have been so fearful the past 2 months. My teenage son has suddenly developed a mental disorder, they thought was just severe depression, but now he is having delusions. I am so very scared. I want my son back. I hurt so bad, I'm so tired. He is truly a young man of God and I always felt God had big plans for him. I keep hearing the Lord speak to me through his Word to wait, trust. Thank you for your words...I need to be constantly focused on the Lord and reminded that He is near.
Mary Beth... how is your son and your marriage?
I just wanted to let "Mary" know she was being prayed for, so is your daughter.
My greatest fear was that my son would be molested; I was molested for many of my childhood years... when my son was born, I foolishly said in my heart, "if my son ever goes thru what I went thru, I will stop believing in God"
I was born and raised in church. My parents were pastors of a small churh for 22 years. God and his word were part of my life. And then it happened. My son was molested. It was my worst fear come true.
God showed me that though I said I would leave Him, He would never leave me.
I now have worse fears, one of which is rape: of my children (I have 2 boys now), or of myself; it's wierd to say, but if God allows my worst fears to happen, I know that He will bring me through...I know now that He will never leave me, nor forsake me. God is good like that.
MrsM
My marriage ended two years ago. Some days, I feel like the fear part is over. God has proven his power to get me through. Other days, I feel abandoned all over again. I think the goal is to keep turning back to him, even in my fear.
Thank you so much for what you do, your devotion was such an encouragement to me this morning. I am in the middle of a divorce, which was definately a giant fear, along with ending up being the old lady with a house full of dogs; my husband has left me and our 3 children and even though the paper work hasn't even been started yet he has already moved on with his life by having a girlfriend. A girlfriend that my small children (age 5 and under) told me about. Talk about worst fears and things you never dreamed of. I am a planner and hate not knowing what is around every curve, but I am learning day by day to trust Him more. Your power versus for today really spoke to me. I just keep thinking the same things.....He knows the plans He has for me, even though I may not; and He is my strong tower, my shield, my deliverer and the lifter of my head. Thank you for re-inforcing what I already know in my head, but sometimes escapes my fickle heart.
Wow you are so right! I have been struggling with my 19 year old and my biggest fear is yet to materialize. I have the fear that he will end his life, I have talked with him about this and he assures me he won't. Still it is a fear. I can testify that if in the future it will come true, that God will be by my side and able to comfort me. Until then I will pray and ask Him to watch over him each and every day.
Please visit my blog sometime. http://tulabell-walkingwithgod.blogspot
thanks for the devotional! i love p31 devotionals they always speak to me. i am praying for mary and everyone who has shared their fears. i pray for healing and restoration. God doesn't want any of his children to live in fear, fear is not of God. sounds crazy but rebuke that fear beleive God's promises on your lives. the devil loves to torment us, one of the ways is through fear. i pray everyday for God to help me over come my fears, i pray the same for everyone. God bless
I guess I fear the truth about who I really am and that I am beyond redemption from our lord. But I know that the truth will set me free. I have been in a relationship with a man for over 3 years and for the last 2 I have kept it a secret from my friends because I know that they would be disappointed in me and I know and have known that this relationship is not right. I have tried to leave him a million times and cried out to God to remove him from my life because the truth of the matter is we aren't happy and I know I could never marry him, but I love him and for some silly reason cannot seem to let him go, but in the past few months I had been pulling away from him and trying to draw nearer to God and now he has left me and my heart is broken. I try to convince myself that this is what God wants for me and that I hurt because of my secrets. I have repented and I just had to tell the truth to someone before I explode. I am truly sorry and have been trying to press into our dear Jesus, but fear he has truly turned from me because I denied his will to leave this relationship for so long. So I don't know if he will give me another chance because I've been back and forth for 2 years now and I have hurt him too much for him to forgive me. Too make matters worse I am involved in my church heavily and am a total fraud in their eyes. They have no clue that I've kept this up so long and I fear their disappointment so even my bestest friend in the whole world whom I share everything with doesn't know and I have been lying to everyone I love for so long I fear I don't even know the truth anymore. I just had to say this I need someone to know that I am sorry and I'm hurting and I don't know what to do. thanx.
I know fear firsthand, too. My first pregnancy ended in a premature delivery to 23-week-old twins, who both died in the NICU. Burying Seth & Owen never allowed me to enjoy any of the pregnancies that followed. The next one ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks, but Grace and Sarah joined our family healthy and full-term. But then Lucy died at 32 weeks in a heart-breaking cord accident. A few weeks later, my husband was in the ICU with a brain infection. I was so afraid and so numb, but God is good. My husband recovered completely, and He blessed us with our beautiful Hannah just 1 year later. My life is not how I imagined or ever hope it would be, and it is hard to make a marriage survive so much heartache, but did I say that God is good? Every time I look at Hannah I know that He loves me.
Thank you, Marybeth, for this devotional.
Marybeth,
Your devotion on fear couldn't have hit closer to home. I have struggled with many fears most of my life. I was sexually abused on and off most of my childhood and my biggest fear was I would never find someone to really love me. My husband and I have been married for 14 yrs and thankfully God has bestowed him with much patience so he could help me see that "real love" exists. Through his patience and Faith he reminds me that I'm good enough for God to love and that's good enough for him.
I so loved you devotional today. Admittedly I don't always get the time to read them but I always leave them in the 'unread' state and I will often go to them days later. Today was especially good because of the economy and the removal of our biggest account we are considering bankruptcy and foreclosure. It is most difficult. You asked to comment on how this has changed or improved my walk with the Lord. Because we are in the midst of it, the biggest thing I can see right now is my intention to find God in it. Although my tears come in waves I always seem to find the hope in what the future may hold and that I know He will be there with me and my husband. I appreciate you and all you bring to my life. Thank you. Corinne
Mary Beth, I understand completely about your fears regarding the birth of a child with a disability. I too, had the same fear and somehow knew in my heart it would come true, and it did. My oldest son has Down symdrome. My question to you is why do think God would even allow an innocent baby to be born with something like that...something that will affect him his entire life and impede his abilities? It's just not fair to my son. He didn't do anything and yet was born with this. My husband and I struggle wtih this issue every day. Thanks.
Tracey
(e-mail: binkysrock@yahoo.com)
Ashley-- Please watch my pastor's sermon from two weeks ago on the prodigal son-- he addresses some of the exact fears you are dealing with. Please, please, take some time and watch it all the way through.
Here's the link:
http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?sermon=155
This was sent to me via email-- I posted it here so that those who feel led would pray for this woman. Her children are missing right now, kept from her by her ex-husband. I have omitted her name to protect her identity since this is a criminal case. PLEASE pray for her. She could really use the prayer support.
I would like to post a comment on your site. However, I seem to be unable to figure out how to do it. I am currently stressed beyond imagination and saying that I am overwhelmed would be an immense understatement.
I am in desperate need of support, encouragement, and advice if possible, from anyone that loves the Lord and may have even been through the same thing I'm going through. Even more important, I need their prayers. I am fighting to keep custody of my precious 9 year old twins and to protect them from further abuse. I have to be very careful what is publicly printed because we still have to finish the hearing on the 28th.
I do apologize for my ignorance. Please explain to me how to post a blog. Today's blog on "Fear" was especially close to home for me and I really feel the need to get in on this one.
Thank you and may God continue to bless you all!
On June 13, 2007 I realized every mother's greatest fear....losing a child. I lost my only child who was only 23 years old, to a domestic violence situation. It took me to the pit of despair, not even wanting to live anymore. The Lord has not only been faithful to keep me from harm, but daily takes me deeper with Him and restores my purpose for living, as I learn to trust Him will all my heart. My treasures are truly stored up in Heaven, and I praise Him that because my daughter was a believer in Christ, as I am, we will both be reunited one day with each other and with our precious Savior.
PrayingThroughGrief@yahoogroups.com is a website for Christian moms who have experienced the loss of a child. We are determined to "live" again, not just exist! An we are prayer warriors, if any of your readers are in this need.
Dear Ashley,
You have taken the first really brave step....on of aksing the Lord's forgivenss for your sins. That's tough, it takes courage, and it hurts. Know this: there is nothing the Lord cannot and will not forgive. And the Lord is in the restoration business. Stick to your faith. You would be surprized at the number of "hidden sins" other's are also afraid to reveal.
In Christ's Love
I lived through my worst fear and came out on top. Cancer is very common in my family and I had always worried (yes, even before I was married) that I would find a tumor while I was pregnant and have to refuse chemo. Well, 28 weeks pregnant with my first child, I found a lump in my right breast. I can't explain the odd feeling of peace and calm that came over me. It happened on a Saturday so I couldn't get in to see my doctor until Monday, but I wasn't in the panic that I should have been. My doctor confirmed the lump and sent me to an ultrasound tech who said it didn't look like cancer. I chose to have it removed anyway. There were actually 3 of them, but turns out they were benign. The whole process took about 3 weeks. There were steroid shots in case the baby needed to be delivered early and the whole works. What did I learn? Your worst fears don't have to be tragic. God was there the whole time. A friend who had come down to the hospital before the surgery mentioned she couldn't believe how calm I was. When they took my blood pressure, it was in the 90's/60's. I let God have control and he took care of me. I was scared, but I was at peace. I never knew the two could go together. It definitely made me stronger. To look your worst fear in the eye and let it go is an experience beyond all others.
Thank you so much for this post about fear. I am in the middle of writing a blog post myself on this very topic.
My biggest fears right now are to have another miscarriage or not be able to have another child or for it to take a long time to have another child.
I've appreciated your candor in this blog posting about fear (along with the comments made by your readers).
I suppose the only thing I would like to add is that, yes, some of our worst fears do come to pass, but that doesn't necessarily mean that everyone's worst fear will become a reality. I really believe that Satan oftentimes instills fears in us to paralyze us from completing God's plan for our lives. For myself, a couple of years ago I developed an inexplicable fear of flying- never had it before and all of a sudden I was having small panic attacks at even the thought of flying. This fear stayed with me and grew over a couple of years. Then I found myself in a position where I felt God was calling me to do short term missions trips overseas- so, we're talking 18+ hour flights; and, truly the only thing preventing me from going would have been my fear of flying. Since then, I have gone on a couple of overseas trips with my church and, wouldn't you know it... that fear of flying has diminished considerably.
I hope that my comments are making sense...basically, all I'm encouraging your readers to do is take a good look at their fears and realize how those fears might be Satan's attempt at twarting God's will for their lives.
Thank you for your post on this.
My worst fear was not being able to have a child. Well that wasn't the case really. I did get pregnant on 2007. I delivered my daughter 12 weeks early. She was very sick and only weighed 13 ounces. She was also born with a brain defect that would have some major effects on her. We were getting ready to tie up all the ends to get her home finally. Our daughter Carly had suddenly gotten sick. Come to find out she had a heart defect that couldn't be repaired. She passed away hours later. She lived for 4 months and I was devastated to lose her. A month later I became pregnant again. I was assured the same thing would happen twice. Our 2nd daughter Hannah, was growing on time and was free of any defects. We were so happy to know that we would be having a healthy baby girl. 8 weeks away from my due date I noticed that Hannah wasn't moving. I wet straight to the hospital to have my worst fears come ture once again. Hannah's heart had stopped. We were crushed. We were left in the unknowing. The autopsy report showed her death to be undetermined.
I don't know why these things happened. But I have accepted them as God's will. Through this Ryan and I started counseling that was suppose to be for grief. It turned out to be couples counseling that has really taught us how to communicate better with one another. We have found a new love for each other, a deeper spiritual love. Through these events I have been called to do works for God. I have started a Preemie Clothing Drive to help the parents of babies who are in the NICU. So far we have raised 561 sets of clothing to be donated to the hospital where my first daughter lived for 4 months. This is my way of spreading the good news of Christ Jesus.
I'm not sure what God has in store for my life. I know that He never promises that we won't go through tough times. But as the song by Nataile Grant, 'Held' says, Hhis promise is to be held. That's exactly what God has done, He has held me, has strengthened me, encouraged me, and has comoforted me. He's used these trying times in my life as a chance to speak openly about God and who he is.
I still want a child in my life and I know that one day God will provide that for me, wehter it's naturally or theough adoption. I just have to pray and seek His will and wait on Him.
Rachel
I meant to say that I was assured the same thing WOULDN'T happen again. Sorry for the typo.
I think fear should be have every people.
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