Just like that, my attitude shifts. From seeking the blessings to wallowing in self pity. Last night I cried myself to sleep as I tried to go hang up the phone and stumbled (because you can't hold a phone and a crutch at the same time, try as you may), landing on my broken foot. This morning I did not wake up with a refreshed attitude. I woke up feeling locked in this prison I can't get out of. I want to go for a run. I want to jump into the car with my husband and grab a cup of coffee. I want to enjoy a beautiful spring day with my family. I want to go to church together.
Instead, I am here. My behind is hurting from sitting on it for the last several days. And yet, walking exhausts me as the crutches hurt under my arm and my "good foot" gets sore from supporting all my weight.
And so, I post this just to show you that I am not handling this as well as I would like. And I am not always super spiritual and super positive. Some days I just feel absolutely awful. Today is one of those days. I told my husband this morning that if the orthopaedic doc tells me surgery will speed this up, I will take it. Because I just don't think I can go six weeks or more like this. I just don't think I can.