Monday, June 25, 2007

She Speaks

Yesterday at the closing of the She Speaks weekend, one of the speakers asked us to stand up if we had come to the conference for one thing, but discovered something else entirely while we were there. I shot up out of my chair because that was me.

If you read my old blog, you will see that I posted there before the conference about how excited I was to go. I was positively giddy with anticipation. And yet, strangely enough, by Saturday I was ready to go home. In fact, I did go home Saturday night. I slept in my own bed, got ready in my own bathroom and returned for the service on Sunday morning feeling much better.

And yet, something had changed in my heart. I am still trying to name that something, to pray my way through it, to embrace what God has showed me. And in the meantime I am trying to discern what it is God is doing-- and why.

I do know that God began something in me last year at She Speaks that was surprising and really hard. It took a long time to navigate through all the emotions and discoveries birthed out of that weekend last year. And, to be honest, I thought we (me and God) had covered that ground already. So for some of those feelings to get dredged up this year was unexpected. I am trying to deal with that.

When the speaker team and staff went into the prayer room after the conference ended to pray and share stories, I didn't go. I took my daughter, who had attended with me, and we hightailed it to lunch-- just the two of us. We sat and talked over our favorite pizza and just savored a few minutes alone. It was beautiful and I thought to myself, "This has been the best part of the whole weekend."

Today I am tired, but recovering. I have a lot of house cleaning to do. And also just need to love on my kids. I will post more later about what God is showing me, and how I am going to respond. I have to figure that out first, though!
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picketfencemom said...

Hi Marybeth,
I know that what you speak about in this post is between you and God, but I can tell you this one thing...if you were there at She Speaks for no other reason, it was for me! I was so blessed by meeting you and sitting in your session. Erin and I both agreed that you were such a blessing to us. You are a sweet, warm-hearted person, and it touched us that you really and truly wanted us to enjoy our time there and made a point to ask. That meant a lot! Now, you are no longer just a 'cyber-blogging-friend' but a 'real life' friend as well.
All the ladies were wonderful and it was an awesome experience for both of us. And it was so wonderful to meet Karen, Bonita, and Melissa as well!
Now, I want to tell you what I took away from She Speaks! I was really convicted about something. I have at times looked at my writing from the viewpoint of what I think will 'sell'. I see now how wrong that attitude is. First and foremost, I need to be writing what the Lord puts on my heart. I need to be seeking His guidance. Are my words the ones He is whispering to my heart? And if that means that it's only a menu plan for my family or a short blog post to encourage someone else...then so be it. That will be enough!
I'm not sure what you are going through right now or where you 'are'...but I'll make a special effort to pray for you.
Thank you again for everything! You are just as special in person (even more so) as you are in the blog world, and I'm so blessed to have met you!

picketfencemom said...

I don't know where the w on my name came from when I signed that comment...but I meant just to type Amy without the w! Sorry!

Anonymous said...

I also wanted to tell you how MUCH I enjoyed She Speaks!!! I learned so much and also made some new friends! I had a wonderful time!!!!! :)

Joni said...

Oh. My. Word. How CUTE is your new blog, girlfriend?! I LOVE it! I will be interested to hear about what God is teaching you and how you are processing all that you learned this weekend. I, myself, missed going to She Speaks. I would have loved to have seen you and to have met Bonita. But hope to be back next year and hope that God will help me to bear some fruit out of the experience we're in currently.


Leah in Iowa said...

Oh, I love the new look of your blog, Marybeth! And putting a photo of your family at the top is great! Lovin' it!

I also loved your devotional today at P31 ~ the one on sheep. Very thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing that!

Angela said...

I love the look of your new blog. You've incorporated all my favorite decorating colors. I've been at HSB for two years as well and learned just enough html to get by, but I might have to check into your designer. Very neat.

I look foward to hearing more about the things the Lord is teaching you. I have a friend who attended the conference last year and was very blessed.

The Laundry Procrastinator said...

Hey Marybeth,

Thanks for sharing your sincere heart about the weekend. Sounds like the Lord is really doing something in you and I will pray that as He makes His will clear, that you will have the faith to respond joyfully. I'm in a bit of my own faith-walk journey, too. I'll fill you in as more details fall into place.

Blessings and prayers,

P.S. Great new look! Love it so much!

Cara said...

I hope you don't mind me commenting... I sort of stumbled across this when seeing if I could come across any other She Speaks experiences on the internet.

This post really resonated with me -- I felt just as you said you did last year. I am still trying to mentally sort through and process all those emotions, enlightenments, and figure out what God has in store. It was my first year there and though absolutely incredible, emotionally exhausting in a really awesome way. It may take me until next year to recover!

I have read some of your published writing and just wanted to thank you for your words! They are inspiring to fellow writer-moms like me. :)