Thursday, February 16, 2012

Hiding The Holes

On my iPod: Long Long Way To Go by Phil Collins

Reading: 1ooo Gifts by Ann Voskamp

See that topiary? It sits in my guest bath-- a little kitschy thing I picked up at a craft fair years ago. I think it might be just for Christmas but it matches my decor so I leave it out year-round. I stuck it in our guest bathroom and honestly I didn't think about it very much after that. I hardly ever go in that bathroom, after all. (My kids clean it.)

But recently I noticed something about this topiary. Pieces of the bark-type stuff that is glued to the foam ball had fallen off, leaving an ugly hole. I wondered how many guests in our guest bathroom had seen this less-than-lovely sight? So I did what any self-respecting homemaker would do. I simply turned the topiary around and hid the hole. Good as new.

After I walked out of the bathroom an analogy came to me: about holes and our tendency to want to hide them. My reflexive action of turning the topiary around wasn't even something I thought about. I just wanted things to look nice. Even if they weren't-- I could project the image they were by hiding what was really there. And so it is with lots of things-- the kind of mom I am, the kind of wife I am, the state of our finances, what I really think of certain people, things that happen to me, that hurt me. I figure out as quickly as possible how I can hide those holes.

I think that's what this new direction with my blog is all about-- it's an effort to not hide the holes, to show some of the ugly. But I find I'm still trying to put a pretty face on things. It's my go-to, my reflex. I don't want to tell you that I cuss and I drink and I listen to that rock and roll music (you're supposed to hear the grandparents in Sixteen Candles when you read that). I don't want to tell you that I have some pretty ugly thoughts and urges or that I'm not really a nice person at all. I don't want to be vulnerable about some things that have hurt me recently, have left me reeling and honestly questioning not my faith but the people who purport to share it. I struggle with still wanting to hide those holes.

Because holes? They're unsightly. No one wants to see those... or do they?

Pin It!


BethA said...

Absolutely show the holes. We are all flawed. We all have some ugly. Christian women should be about loving each other in spite of that. We should be about encouraging and edifying each other.

Candice said...

I find myself in the same dilemma often. Thanks for the honesty and reflection.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your holes. I feel like a piece of Swiss cheese I have so many. Glad I'm not alone!

Pam said...

Your courage in sharing about your holes is giving me courage to share about mine. We all do have them whether we're willing to share about them or not. Share on, my friend, you're not alone.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea....I agree with every word. I try very hard to "look good" too.
I never want to reveal THE REAL ME!

Time to be a little more transparent, huh?

Marianne said...

Wow...looks like we're in "good" company, as in all of us are apt to try and hide our holes. Marybeth, please help me see how to show those holes, and i think we're better for understanding others if they do share. Thanks

Sharon said...

I'd rather know you're a real person...

sarah elizabeth said...

I loved reading this post, Marybeth! Thanks for sharing your hole-filled self with us on a much deeper level.

You know, those holes may be unsightly at times, but they report to the world that we are only human and need a hole-filler bigger and greater than our own disheveled selves. God always has a way of filling those unsightly holes after a while it seems, but only after He lets the world get a glimpse of His glory through our brokenness. And for that I'm very thankful! ;)

Much love to you!