The One Where I Admit That I Dislike My Blog

I was seriously about to break up with my blog. Put up a last post and say "It's been real. See ya on the flip side."

You see, me and the blog took a break from each other over Christmas and it turned out that I liked the break. I liked it a little too much. I liked not thinking about whether the blog was getting comments I needed to respond to. Or whether the blog needed updating. Or whether the blog had a broken link. Or whether I'd written this post for this certain day and-- oh my-- would the world stop turning if my Thursday Thought wasn't there by 6am?? Or whether the blog was in some other state of need that ate up my time and left me grumpy and unfulfilled.

But I'd promised the blog that I would come back after the break. And because I always try to keep my word, I came back. And you all read the posts I dutifully put up last week when I came back. You even read my clever idea about going through a book that was very New-Yearsy in subject matter. You might've even bought said book and eagerly anticipated going through it here each week.

Somehow along the way my blog went from passion to production. I wasn't getting on here because I couldn't wait to share something with you (the way I started). I was getting on here because I said I would. And because I'm a writer and we writers are expected to develop "an audience." But somehow, in trying to develop my audience like a good little writer, I started boring myself-- and probably you guys-- to tears.

But not any more. I hereby declare there will be no more themed days. There will be no more perfunctory posts. (I do love me some alliteration.) There will be no more me writing what I think you want to hear or what I think someone "out there" expects me to say. Instead I'm taking back my blog and making it my own-- less expectation and more passion.

So, my apologies but I won't be discussing that book here after all. I changed my mind because I'm a woman and that's what we do. (Although I do love that book so, truly, you should read it and be inspired.) I just don't love the idea of robotically showing up week after week to discuss it, making something I love become something I'm working on. Again with the boredom.

Instead I will be talking about my life and my friends and what I think about food and writing and reading great books and how my faith impacts all the different little tributaries of my life. And I'll be talking about marriage and kids and family and how most of the time I feel like a great big failure at all of it. But I try. I get up every day and I try. Mostly I just bake them stuff because that seems to make them happy. So I'll share the recipes and you can try the same tactic.

I'll be talking about all of that. And probably more. But I can't promise it'll be Monday through Friday. And I can't promise you'll always like what I have to say, or the way I say it. But instead of this manufactured, mass-produced product, what I share here will be one-of-a-kind: handmade, with love.

Those are the things I like best anyway. I hope you do, too.