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Monday, October 20, 2008

Angry


I am angry. Angry for a friend. Angry for her children. Angry at her husband, who walked out several months ago. And as the months go by it seems that he is not coming back. He has, it seems, made choices one by one that separated him from his family, bit by bit. The further he got, the fainter their voices became. Their hold on him slipped away and he ran, legs pumping, heart pounding, towards something that wasn't his.

And left what was his-- still is his-- behind to scratch their heads and cry their tears and wonder about an uncertain future that no longer includes the leader of their home. This was once a good man, a godly man, a man "least likely" to be in this situation.

And I am angry about it. Anger that makes me want to scream, punch, kick. Instead I grab my computer and write this. I let the anger come through my fingertips, easing out of me just a bit, like the top of a soda bottle opened just slightly, to let the pressure off. Before the whole thing explodes.

The anger is eased but it isn't gone. It will go and come as it has in these past weeks. Some days I am filled with hope and prayers and compassion (I know) for this man. I remember that, even in his sin, God loves him. I know that, but by the grace of God, go I. I remember the height from which I have fallen and how Jesus warned us about planks in our own eyes. And somehow I find a way to pray for him, to ask God again for a miracle. But then some days I am just plain angry. Angry for my friend. Angry for her children.

Angry.

Psalm 4:4-5, "In your anger, do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord."
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5 comments:

Bonita said...

This is an anger I know all too well. I've had similar things happen to dear friends in the last few years. I don't think people realize how many others they hurt when they choose to go sin's way. It's like a rock that drops in a pond and the ripples go out touching further and further away.

I know it doesn't make anything better, but you have articulated so beautifully in this post. Terrific writing even if it's on a difficult subject. Your heart truly poured forth here. Thank you for sharing words that I know many can identify with and understand.

Praying for you and your friend and he wayward husband.

Amy Jo said...

Praying God's sweet blessing of peace and healing upon your friend and her precious family. There seem to be so many couples struggling right now - the enemy is hitting HARD. I pray that God gives you wisdom and strength to support your friend during this incredibly painful and difficult time - and that He also ministers to your heart in the midst of all the yuck. With grace, Amy

Jerralea said...

I'm angry, too. Same thing is happening to my cousin. The root of all this is satan. His goal is to rip up as many families as he can because he knows the fall-out is tremendous.

However, I know God can make reconciliation happen, in His timing.

Praying for your friend and also my cousin both to experience reconciliation -- sooner rather than later.

4forhim said...

Thank you, thank you for sharing your heart. Your words are beautiful and bless me more than you'll ever know. I love you dearly for walking through life with me.

aswewalk.com said...

Your righteous anger is a healing balm for souls--it draws you closer to His heart and gives you His eyes for the wayward husband and father. Bless you and bless your friend and children, and her husband.