One of the things I have been trying to grasp during this trial with my foot is what God has for me within it. The day the orthopedic surgeon told me that there was nothing else he had to offer was a low day for me. I told Curt as we drove home, "This is one of those moments where I don't want to hear that God has something for me in this. This is one of those times where being a Christian and trying to hear from God is just exhausting."
In a matter of a few days' time, though, my attitude has shifted back to a more rational, more focused perspective. I desire to learn whatever God has for me to learn. I desire to hear from Him. I want to draw from this experience His riches and His insights. I want to be that refined silver that reflects His image. His mercies are indeed, new every morning.
And today, as I woke up in that state of mind, I read this affirmation in my Streams In The Desert devotion:
"As Joseph did, we should be more careful to focus on learning all the lessons in the school of sorrow than to focus anxious eyes on the time of our deliverance. (Note: what I have been doing since this began.) There is a reason behind every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will definitely come."
While I am still focused on deliverance from the pain and limitations of this trial (I watch the people walking together on these beautiful spring days outside my window and feel a longing for something so simple yet for me impossible. I feel sad looking back at all the grand plans I had to celebrate Easter with my children this Holy Week, now lost in the shuffle of merely surviving each day.), I am also focused on what God has for me in this trial.
And so, I continue to covet your prayers for healing, for grace, and for perspective that looks past the here and now. And for Curt, who is shouldering so, so much right now without my help.